I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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