Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
