No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize