I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
