You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
