I wish I could punch you in the face.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
