Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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