She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
