sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
