Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
