I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
