is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
