drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i out mim tonsoeep
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