i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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