She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
