I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
