walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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