new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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