On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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