You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you traded sex for a burrito?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
