just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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