Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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