super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And then he peed in my hair
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