i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
did i walk over a car last night?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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