my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
