he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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