Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
