i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
