there's paper in my vomit.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
