This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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