Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
