Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
