Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
why do cheetos always look like penises
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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