We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
