Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
