You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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