nut hugger
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
