I want to stick my p in your. b.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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