Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
