So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
