i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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