Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
