My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
