I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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