Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
