I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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