i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
