I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
