.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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