Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wish there were birth control emojis
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
