That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
